Abuse happens in many different forms.  Just because someone hasn’t become physically violent with you doesn’t mean he isn’t being abusive, or won’t become abusive.  You need to be able to recognize the signs of someone who is abusive, or who may become abusive.  In martial arts you develop a great deal of confidence and awareness, which helps to keep you tuned into being able to not only read situations well, but also read people well by picking up the signs associated with danger. 

 

If you fail to recognize the signs of abuse, you could be put in danger.  The longer you are with an abusive partner, the more difficult it will become and the more damage that could be caused to you emotionally and physically.  I found a really good, accurate checklist to help you recognize if you may be in an abusive relationship.  I am a fan of Dr. Phil and he has a lot of great things on his Web site (www.drphil.com). I took the following from his site:

 

 

 

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

 

Sometimes when you’re in an intense or passionate relationship, it’s hard to recognize when lines are being crossed. You can get comfortable with dysfunction and not realize when you are being abused, especially if your partner hasn’t yet become physically violent. The National Domestic Violence Hotline has a quiz for indentifying abuse.

 

Go through the following checklist to find out whether your relationship is unhealthy and could be dangerous:

Does your partner:

Isolate you from friends, family members or supporters?

 

Embarrass you with put-downs?

 
Look or act in ways that scare you?

 
Control what you do or who you see or talk to? 
 
Manipulate you with control of money?

 
Dominate all decisions?

 
Criticize your parenting and threaten to take away or hurt your children?

 
Prevent you from working or attending school?

 
Deny or downplay abuse or try to blame you for “provoking” it?

 
Destroy your property?

 
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

 
Shove you, slap you, choke you or hit you?
Force you to drop charges?

 
Threaten to commit suicide?

 
Threaten to kill you?

 
If you answered yes to even one of these warning signs, you may be in an abusive relationship. For support and more information please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY (800) 787-3224.

 

[end of Dr. Phil]

 

Hopefully you are not dealing with a partner who displays any of these behaviors. Be assertive and stand up for yourself. Do not allow anybody to control, manipulate, or abuse you in any way.  Study these signs so that you don’t get hooked up with someone who acts the way mentioned above. 

 

If you need help with confidence or self-esteem, look into a martial arts program, where you will reap many more benefits along the way.  If you are not interested in martial arts, you need to get some form of help or something to help you create a more positive self-image.